Not A Good Start to the Day

I woke up this morning to an exasperated wife who barely would speak to me. For the millionth time (it seems) she was mad at me for being married to the Internet rather than to her.

Yesterday, my therapist asked my how my wife comforts me. I couldn’t answer the question. The Internet has become my comfort, my solace, and my precious. I can turn on, tune in, and drop out. No kids, no wife, no problem!

My wife started to cry. She’s had enough. I’ve tried to spend less time at this confounded box, but sooner or later I gravitate back again. She’s all but resigned herself to the fact that she would play second fiddle in our marriage to the Internet.

I want to spend less time sitting here. Really, I do. The spirit is willing. The flesh? Nah. What’s another couple of hours on YouTube or Facebook?

That did it. I started to cry. Hard. I hadn’t cried this hard since shortly after the first round of Doxology training. I’ve been saving it up, so to speak. I ended up crying more than my wife. It wasn’t pretty.

Today I’ve been in a haze. Work gets done. Food is eaten. But I’m emotionally out of it. Maybe that’s what Paul means when he says in 2 Corinthians “When I am weak, then I am strong.”

So we’re making lists. What can I do around the house? It seems to me that if I do something, my wife doesn’t like the way I do it and she re-does it. Maybe it’s because I haven’t taken the time to learn how she wants it done. I’m working really hard on limiting my Internet time so I can spend the time with my children and my wife. I took my son to the fire station today to look at the trucks! He loved every second of it. So did I, watching my son “drive” one of the fire trucks. I just finished vacuuming the floor. I’m sure there’s plenty more to do tomorrow. My wife is a list-making fanatic. The honey-do list is never done around here!

This time it’s gonna work. Even if I fail, there is forgiveness and a new opportunity. I need no more last chances.

Here’s to a better ending of the day than the beginning!

– KT

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3 Responses to “Not A Good Start to the Day”

  1. Benjamin Pollock Says:

    KT,
    I will be praying for you. It sounds like the devil, as well as your sinful flesh, is doing everything he can to cause problems in your marriage. I will be praying for many more successes than failures and for forgiveness every time.
    Under Christ’s Blood,
    Benjamin Pollock

  2. Becky Ryals Says:

    KT…

    Been there, done that with my former husband (who was also a Lutheran pastor). His life revolved around his computer. It became his true love…and this was in the days before Facebook and YouTube.

    I pray that God gives you strength and courage to stand firm against the devil’s attacks. You will never get this special time with your children and wife again. They grow so fast.

    My psychiatrist changed my diagnosis this week from major depression to bipolar. No wonder I wasn’t getting any better. I was taking too much of the wrong medications. So, as the meds are being readjusted, I feel caught in a whirlwind. I can’t focus, can’t get things done, and find myself staring off into space. I love to go to the place where I can block out everyone…my computer!! I know the temptation and I know the challenge to stay engaged with my family.

    Hang in there, brother in Christ.
    Becky

  3. “I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my crying, my wife’s crying. He drew me up from the pit of the computer screen… and set my feet upon a rock.”

    God bless you for seeing yourself clearly. That is brave, and He will bring you along.

    mp

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