If the Shoe Fits…

Pr. William Cwirla wrote today about meeting a pastor who was totally comfortable with who he was. Here’s the pertinent quote:

I had lunch with him the next day.  I was an inexperienced paster at the time, just three or so years from my ordination and still trying to find my way around the liturgy.  I asked him, “How do you do that?  How can you be so at ease and yet so reverent?”  His reply, “You first have to be comfortable with yourself.  Then it will come.”

I don’t know whether or not I’ve said it before here. The most comfortable place for me is the chancel. I am at peace with the Lord and with men standing at the altar and behind the lectern or pulpit. Outside of those places, I am not that comfortable.

When I discovered the movie The Life and Death of Peter Sellers I had an epiphany. Like Mr. Sellers, I don’t know who I am. So much television, so much creativity as a child, so much time playing alone, and so much imagination makes me want to turn on a different personality when I’m with different people. I’m always trying to impress others and make them laugh. I play with accents, mannerisms, and personas as if I were about to act in a play or a movie. Sometimes this slips into the chancel or pulpit even though I try hard not to adopt a “stained glass” voice.

Some might say by not being me I have created a me. Not so. Somewhere deep inside of me there is a me who wants to show himself to be a normal person. Medication has helped to peel away the layers of personality that wants to show off in front of people. There are still several layers left to peel.

I have a lot to learn about being comfortable with myself. I’m looking for suggestions. Do you have any? I’m all ears.

Don’t forget I have a way-cool GMail account for those who wish not to comment in a public forum. It’s also a place where you can talk with me about other stuff, or perhaps leave a prayer request. The address is prknowthyself AT gmail DOT com.

Excuse me while I try to fit in my sizable brogans….



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