How It All Got Started, Part Three

When last we left my “story”, I made one visit to a psychologist that was a complete disaster. I found a psychologist that I became comfortable working with, and away we went.

Two days after my first visit to the doctor I ended up seeing, I woke up at 5:00 A.M. to use the restroom. I went back to bed and had a strange thought pop into my head. Those readers of a certain age might remember a television show called Big Blue Marble. It was appointment television for me when I was a young boy. The show’s theme song began, “The world’s a big blue marble when you see it from up there.” The song is about growing closer to people. The theme ended, “Tomorrow’s just another day to get together and get closer.”

I started to cry. It become uncontrollable tears. My crying woke up my wife. She sat with me as I cried my eyes out for 3o minutes. All of the nastiness of my life over a number of years finally welled up and poured out my tear ducts. I’m far away from my family. I have an odd relationship with my siblings. The church body I serve as a pastor is messed up. I feel like the whole future of my congregation sits on my shoulders. I am just starting to work through anguish, grief, fear, and all the other feelings that come with a sick head.

AAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!

I couldn’t even think about going back to bed. So I got up and got on with my day. That cry is just what I needed. From that moment on, even to this moment, I feel much better. That moment led me to realize HOW MUCH I AM NOT IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE! It’s all in the Lord’s Hands!

“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:6-7 NKJV).

I went back to the psychologist the next week and told him what happened. He made the suggestion that I begin to reconnect with my past. Don’t push aside my past with a brush of the hand, relive the happy moments of childhood and embrace them!

We visited twice more and came to the decision that I didn’t need to see him anymore unless life came crashing down again. I haven’t been back to the psychologist since that day. But his number is close at hand…just in case.

I will say a little more about this journey, but it will have to wait for another post. Thank you for sticking with me. I get verbose at times. Forgive me for verbosity and stick around. There’s more to come!

KT

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2 Responses to “How It All Got Started, Part Three”

  1. Thank you again Says:

    I thank you sincerely for being “verbose”. I follow your blog because it helps immensely to know that there are others out there with similar experiences. Please, go ahead and be as verbose and as honest as you want to be. It’s all helpful to your readers.

  2. Thank you for sharing a piece of your own journey with depression. I too suffer from this disease and it’s helpful to know other people are dealing with this as well. Keep writing!

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