I am a Lutheran pastor suffering from depression.

There. I said it.

The inspiration for this blog came from the blog “I Trust When Dark My Road”. You’ll find the link in the sidebar. I’ve been following his story for quite some time. His story is the inspiration for my story.

This past summer a particular event in my life brought me to admitting to myself that something was wrong. I’ve known for a while that something in my head was not right. I couldn’t think straight. It was like white noise in my head 24 hours a day. I would try to study, read, or do anything to stop the noise. Nothing worked. I’m sure the noise has been in my head for a long time. I wanted to stop the noise. This summer, I finally got up the nerve to stop the noise.

The particular event led me to an amazing series of events through the rest of the summer that brought about a great deal of healing in my life. I will talk about some of those events here. Granted, I am no expert in depression like Dark My Road. I’m not writing a book about depression. I don’t know if I could even write a book! But I am confident that if this blog leads at least one person who may be suffering from depression to begin the road to healing, then this blog has done more than what I expect.

This blog is anonymous for a reason. Few people know I’m sick. The few who know have tight lips. It was only recently that I told some family members about my illness. I had lots of shame. I didn’t want them to think I was some kind of sicko. It was hard enough to tell my wife, let alone my family. But they’ve been great. They knew I was sick before I got help. My family are no dummies. So I will hide under the warm blanket of anonymity. It’s so comfy here.

A word about the name of the blog. Coming to grips with my illness has also helped me come to grips with who I am as a person. I’ve felt like Peter Sellers for many years. I don’t know who I am. Yes, I have earthly vocations. But who am I? How am I supposed to act? Do my actions offend people? I know I am a child of God, washed clean in Baptism, nourished through preaching (not necessarily mine) and the Lord’s Supper, and rejoicing in Holy Absolution from a Father Confessor. But who am I in the midst of these Holy Things?

That’s enough for starters. I hope you’ll stay with me on this journey to learn more about myself and, more importantly, about how the Lord has worked through some wonderful people and things to make my life more tolerable in the Church Militant.



6 Responses to “Hello”

  1. I am so with you. God bless you on this journey. I’m right here with ya.


  2. ponderingpastor Says:

    Peace from a fellow Lutheran Pastor who sometimes wonders about the same noise.

  3. Dis-My-Order Says:

    Yo. I’ll be checkin in to see if you can kick depressions behind. I hear ink bottles make good weapons, but best to keep a sword in hand too.

  4. Your journey will be tough, but it has already been overcome by the “It is finished” on the cross. Know that your brothers and sisters in Christ are here beside you.

  5. Found your blog via Dark My Road. Welcome to the club. I am a Lutheran who has suffered from depression. The noise that you describe is different than what I experienced, but everyone’s situation is unique. There is comfort in being surrounded by others who share, at the least, the knowledge that we are not and cannot be perfect. Our Savior Jesus Christ did that for us, and in Him is where our hope lies.

    There are a lot of us out there who understand. It is hard to talk about this topic openly, since there are still many who do not understand. At least in this format we can share safely and support each other.

  6. Welcome to blogland. Thank you for sharing what you’re going through.

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